Discover powerful enjoyment when you let go of expectations.
The what -
Add an activity to your week that you usually enjoy. It can be something small, like a coffee with a friend or some time to read a book. Or it can be something more unusual for your week like going to a concert or taking a trip. It can be absolutely anything you fancy doing. Need some inspiration on what do to? Check out these 25 fun activities or try taking the Feathered Paths Challenge.
The important thing though is that you complete whatever the activity is, without any expectation of it. Do it without the expectation that you will enjoy it or that it will make you happier or more relaxed or make you feel much of anything really. Do it without expecting either a positive or negative outcome from it.
After you complete your activity, ask yourself if your experience was any different from what you would usually expect it to be?
The Why -
Have you ever been to that exercise class you normally love but left feeling disappointed? Have you been for a coffee with that friend that always makes you laugh but this time the conversation left you drained? Maybe you were really looking forward to an event or time in your life but it's not turned out to be all it was cracked up to be? Like being a student who heard all about how amazing the student experience is but now you are struggling to work out how to actually enjoy University life? Potentially, it may be because you have come to expect these things to make you happy.
Don't get me wrong, it's great to be excited about things and look forward to enjoyment in those activities but sometimes our expectations can give us a false view of the situation. Maybe today when your friend didn't make you laugh as much as they normally do, you actually had a really engaging and valuable conversation? But you were expecting to feel uplifted, so when you weren't, you felt disappointed and missed the value of the experience. Maybe the exercise class was just as good as the ones before but you've got pretty good at it now so you don't get the same buzz you used to get from the challenge of it?
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” - Alexander Pope
There is evidence to suggest that people who just enjoy the 'every day' are happier than those that seek out or expect happiness from something. So try doing what to you, is normally an enjoyable activity but with no expectation that it will bring you joy or happiness. Just do it because you deserve to make time for yourself and see how this affects the experience.
This blissful magic of a chocolate bourbon and a well-made cuppa
This way of thinking can create more fulfilling experiences with less pressure or expectations. It can also help you avoid burnout from constantly striving for happiness. Additionally, it can help us all to recognise and appreciate the small moments of joy that are already in our lives.
I mean, did you really enjoy that doughnut/ice cream/chocolate bourbon or whatever yummy treat you last ate? Or did you just munch away and forget all about having eaten it four seconds later? We all do it! It's so easy to spend our time searching for the wonders in life that we forget the blissful magic of a chocolate bourbon and a well made cuppa, that was already right in front of us.
This approach can also help you in becoming more resilient and better equipped to handle life's challenges, as essentially you've set the bar a little lower. Not too low though, it's not dispiriting to get excited about life. I'm just saying don't expect everything to be all rosy posy just because it sounds pukka. Enjoyment without any expectations can also cultivate a sense of contentment, enabling you to be more present in the moment and appreciate the little things.
It's likely that because you didn't expect anything in particular from the experience this time, it may have been different. It may even have been more enjoyable than you would usually expect. This can happen partly because you may notice things about that experience that you didn't before. The flip side is that we can sometimes outgrow areas of our lives or activities we used to enjoy. We are so used to doing them and expecting the same buzz from them that we don't notice for a while that they have lost their shine. Enjoyment without expectation can give us the opportunity to step back and look at parts of our day and areas of our lives without judgement or predetermined views. Engaging in an activity without expectation can be a simple way to ease into taking this step back to get a different view every now and then.
By approaching activities without an expectation, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and opportunities for growth. We allow ourselves to be truly present in the moment and appreciate the little things that bring joy and happiness into our lives.
When we let go of the pressure to constantly seek happiness or fulfilment from external sources, we free ourselves from the burden of disappointment. We can also learn to find contentment and satisfaction in the simple pleasures of life, like a cup of coffee with a friend or a walk in the fresh air.
When your inner Miss Stroppy Pants shows up with big expectations
Have you ever found yourself getting incredibly wound up about something, which you realise later, just didn't really matter? And you can't for the life of you work out why you had such a strop on about it at the time? I had one of these moments a while ago when my husband bought some adhesive tea towel hooks and stuck them on the inside of the cupboard door below the sink. He said 'all done' and went to put his feet up, until I walked in and saw the hooks were clearly in the wrong place. He had plotted their place from the edge of the door, not the centre. Due to the door design, this meant both hooks were off centre and the door now wouldn't shut. Given they had such a strong adhesive on them, moving them would damage the door.
Queue massive teenage-style stroppy tantrum from a grown woman over misplaced tea towel hooks.
Yes there are many terrible things happening in the world every moment and no the tea towel hooks did not cause considerable detriment to my life or anyone else's. But did I care? Nopedy nope. They were in the wrong place and I was stewing for hours over it like a super strong cold brew.
Now there was a lot going on at the time. It wasn't a good period in our lives but this was no excuse for my childish reaction to a very minor issue. The problem really was my expectations. Life had been throwing a lot of curve balls my way and so my expectation was that I was going to have a bad day. That nothing ever went the way I wanted it to and that it was such a simple job to put the hooks on the door, it should surely be done and looking perfect in 2 minutes tops - right?!
Thankfully for my poor husband, I did come to my senses after some huffing and whinging. It was pretty ridiculous and downright spoilt of me to get so stroppy about it. It was all because of my expectations leading my mind to make a mountain out of a molehill. While it was obviously pretty daft of me, it's not always easy to see that in the moment. So if you find yourself prancing into stroppy mode, try to remember this about expectations before you start getting snappy - Whatever you expect may indeed be possible but having no expectations at all can be truly liberating.
Maybe the path without expectations is where true happiness waits
This practice of setting expectations aside can also help us to become more resilient when challenges come our way. By learning to appreciate the small moments of joy that are already present in our lives, we develop a sense of gratitude and self-love that can sustain us through the tough times.
So the next time you find yourself engaging in an activity that you usually enjoy, remember to do so without any expectations. Allow yourself to fully immerse in the experience and see where it takes you. You may be surprised at how much more fulfilling and enriching the experience can be when you let go of expectations and simply allow yourself to enjoy the moment for what it is.
In a world that is often filled with pressure and expectations, finding joy in the simple things can be a challenge but like most tough challenges, the reward is wonderful. So go ahead, embrace the practice of enjoyment without expectations and see how it can bring more happiness and fulfilment into your life. There is beauty even in the simple act of enjoying a cuppa or a good book without expecting anything in return. So enjoy the journey without worrying about the destination, and you may just find that on the path without expectations is where true happiness waits.
The Who -
Setting aside my expectations has helped me so much, particularly on the truly frustrating days when nothing seems to be going my way. It's a neat little trick inspired by the Science of Happiness Course from the Directors of the Greater Good at UC Berkeley. Funnily enough, it was something I did for a bit of a change with no particular expectations, as I hadn't a clue what taking a 'happiness course' would be like. It turned out to be surprisingly beneficial and I gained some truly helpful insights from the course.
The course is totally free so if you fancy giving it a go, here's the link to join.
Lou @ Feathered Paths Xx
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