Because admitting our failures is a strength, not a weakness.
The What -
Today's feather on your path is a toughy but a goody. Fancy admitting to your failures to improve your well-being and relationships? Nah not really, I'd rather just do some meditation and get a Nando's with my Bae. Yeah, me too.
But admitting your failures to someone can be like a mental detox. It's a way to clear out the guilt and shame we've been carrying around and make room for growth and improvement.
No need to go overboard though. All of us have tons of things we've done or not done and feel were failures. So pick just one thing you're willing to own up to and apologise for.
The Why -
Normally the feathers I leave on your path are about fun and enjoyment and being uplifted, so this is a bit off piece right? Well kind of, except for how much better it actually makes you feel once you've done it.
Let's face it, we've all been there. We've made mistakes, said something we regret, or failed to do something we should have. And sometimes those failures can weigh heavily on our minds and affect our relationships with others. But what if I told you that owning up to those failures can actually bring us closer to the people we care about?
Well let's start getting you closer to your trusted ones by first breaking down the types of failures we feel and then how to deal with each one.
3 Types of Failure
There are usually three types of failures that can plague us:
We did something and are convinced it caused hurt or a problem for someone else.
We didn't do something for someone we should have done.
Something we thought was a failure was actually just an opportunity in disguise.
In the first two scenarios, apologising to the person we've hurt or failed can be incredibly liberating. Not only does it help the other person heal and move forward, but it also frees us from the burden of guilt and shame. And in the third scenario, apologising can be a huge relief because we realise that what we thought was a failure wasn't as big of a deal as we thought it was. So in all scenarios we gain something - and so does the person we feel we failed.
“Failure isn’t always durable. You can go back and you can look at it and go, ‘Oh, that wasn’t a failure. That was a key moment of my development that I needed to take, and I can trust my instinct. I really can." - Tim Ferriss
So, while admitting our failures might feel like a daunting task, (and possibly as painful as having a bikini wax) it's actually a powerful way to strengthen our relationships and improve our own well-being. And who knows, you might just find that you feel lighter, freer, and more at peace after having had that tough conversation.
Getting Started
Right, but how do you start to admit and deal with this failure? Well, start small. Choose one thing you're willing to own up to and have that conversation with the person affected. It might be as simple as saying sorry for something you did or didn't do. It might be apologising for a misunderstanding or miscommunication. Whatever it is, remember that the goal is to be honest and genuine in your apology.
Here are some tips to help you get started:
Start by choosing someone you trust and feel comfortable talking to – this will make the conversation easier and more productive.
Be specific about what you're apologising for.
Take responsibility for your actions (or lack thereof).
Listen to their perspective and validate their feelings.
Offer to make it right if possible.
Practice self-compassion and don't beat yourself up over it.
Remember, admitting our failures is not about beating ourselves up over our mistakes, but about growing from them. It's about being willing to learn and improve, even when it's hard. And who knows, you might just find that admitting your failures is one of the most liberating experiences you've ever had.
Finding the Freedom
Now, if on the other hand nothing comes to mind that you feel you owe an apology for then this is also a great personal growth opportunity. Ask someone you care about and trust "Have I ever done something you feel I owe you an apology for?" Tell them to think on it and let you know.
If there is a something weighing on their mind, you've just given them the freedom to express it and improve your relationship further. If nothing comes to their mind then great, you can absolutely feel good about that!
But sometimes we can all be unaware of the effects of our actions so remember that even small actions can have a significant impact on others. Be open to feedback and apologise when needed. We humans have a habit of assuming we all think the same way but we are very different. So don't be offended if something you did bothered them that doesn't feel like a big deal at all to you. If it bothered them, it is a big deal for them. You don't have to get it. Just be willing to accept it, apologise for it and avoid doing it again in future.
Admitting your failures is the first ingredient in a recipe for personal growth. It's about owning our mess ups, being a better you today than you were yesterday and nurturing the relationships that matter to you. Admitting our failures is all about what's to be gained. So put your pride to one side and the feelings of those you love first.
The Who -
I know this post might not be the most glamorous topic, but I hope it has encouraged you to take a step towards owning up to your failures and apologising when needed. This feather was inspired by Tim Ferriss - Entrepreneur, author, and podcaster, known for his self-help books including "The 4-Hour Work Week" and "The 4-Hour Body".
Tim Ferriss is a great example of someone who has openly talked about his failures and how they've helped him grow as a person. By admitting our failures, we can lift weight off our shoulders and open ourselves up to new opportunities.
His book, The 4-Hour Work Week is a real eye opener, packed with ideas that give a whole new perspective on life. Tim has also discussed the importance of failure in his interviews and writings, and has even shared his own failures publicly.
His efforts to do this have allowed him to accomplish some pretty incredible things, detailed in his writings and podcasts. So he's a great example of how admitting our failures, opens new doors filled with opportunities and great achievements to be gained.
Remember, admitting our failures is a sign of strength, not weakness. And often our most precious relationships become stronger and more authentic because of it.
So take the first step towards personal growth and improvement – admit to a failure this week and start the process of healing and growth. You never know how much good it might bring into your life.
Lou @ Feathered Paths Xx
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