Social well-being & Relationships
When it's too Peopley Outside: A Guide for Introverts
As someone who cherishes quiet moments, curled up on the sofa with my waggy tailed bestie, I totally get it when you're feeling like the world is just a bit too loud and crowded. Being an introvert in a world that seems to value extroversion can be tough, but trust me, there are ways to navigate social situations and still honour your need for solitude. So, if you're looking for tips on how to enjoy the world without feeling overwhelmed by all the peopleyness, this article is for you.
It's ok to prefer your own company
Let's start by embracing our introverted selves. Being an introvert doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you; it just means you recharge best in quiet, solitary moments. You might find social events draining and prefer deeper, meaningful connections over small talk.
I recon if I had to put a number on it, i'm probably at least 97% introvert. The other 3% is when I occasionally poke my head out of my awkward turtle shell (usually after a fair amount of vino). So truly, I get the 'It's too peopley outside' mentality. It's taken me a long time to accept that being an introvert doesn't make me a less valuable human compared to the extroverts. Because, you know what? Us introverts actually have a lot to offer!
Set boundaries and hatch an escape plan
Before we get into all the wonderful things an introvert brings to the table, it's essential to know that you may always be someone that needs to 'manage' social time. It's also important to recognise when you need a break from social interactions. So if you start feeling frazzled or drained, give yourself permission to take some time for yourself. Setting boundaries with others can help you to thrive in a world that often feels too peopley.
Unfortunately us introverts aren't always great with the direct approach or saying 'No' to people as we generally don't want to offend or disappoint. So it helps to have some pre-planned escape routes or reasons for a break up your sleeve. A certain train to catch, an early start in the morning or something you've left in your car that you need to pop out and get are always good ones to use.
Find solitude in nature
One of the best ways I find to recharge is by spending time in nature. Whether it's taking a peaceful wander or sitting in a quiet park, immersing yourself in natural surroundings can be incredibly rejuvenating. But when it's not all that peaceful outside or you're just more of an indoor comforts kind of a person this isn't all that helpful. So in this instance I suggest honing your focus on to something. Let's say you have a day out planned but the place you go to is packed or you have to get through a whole day of people filled work meetings. Focus your mind just on who and what is close to you and what you can control.
In a day out scenario, this could be finding yourself at a packed beach, when you were planning on a quiet sunbathe. Just focus on the person you are there with and taking care of them and ensuring they have a nice day. The other thousand sunbathers are irrelevant and you can hardly hear them when you focus entirely on just the person you are there with. If you are by yourself, just focus on you and what you can control like your breathing. A mind project to work on can also be super helpful in this type of situation.
If you're in a meeting, you don't need to be the most confident person in the room and talk to everyone. Not being a loud person isn't a failure. It's you and you are wonderful. Focus instead on building a connection with just one person like whoever is sat next to you. Let them be your focus for the day. That one solid connection could do wonders for your career versus having more frequent but less meaningful conversations.
Lean on your trusted ones
Whatever the social situation, try and find someone you trust or at least don't mind being around too much. Finding other introverts is also a huge help and given there are so many of us, it shouldn't prove too difficult in most circles. Also try to remember that when you are in a peopley situation there is almost always someone that struggles as much with all the noise and peopleyness as you do. So again, going back to your focus - try and seek out anyone in the group who is a little quieter and concentrate on getting to know them. You could end up finding yourself a great new friend today!
Step (a teensy bit) out of your comfort zone
Social anxiety can be a significant challenge for us introverts, but growth in managing this better can lie just beyond our comfort zone. By gradually exposing yourself to social situations and practising self-compassion, you can learn to better manage your fears and build confidence. The thing with this is to focus on the gradual part. Leaving your safe space to walk into a packed room of strangers probably isn't going to feel great. So go slow, try to merge in with smaller or familiar groups of people and have your escape plan at the ready if it gets too much.
Embrace your beautiful introvertism
When you are faced with a very peopley situation, try to remember that being an introvert is a beautiful part of who you are. Embrace your unique qualities and the wonderfulness that introverts can bring to the world. As an introvert, you may be very self aware, thoughtful and even creative. Did you know that Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Meryl Streep, Emma Watson and Barrack Obama are all considered to be introverts? Yep!
Struggling when it all feels too peopley isn't a weakness. It's just a part of our personalities. In the same way as extroverts can struggle to know when to stop talking is a part of theirs! So try to be kind to yourself and know that you are worthy and wonderful, just as you are.
Accept that not everyone will get it
Whilst I have come to accept my introverted nature and embrace the strengths in it, I also sadly know what it's like when someone just doesn't get it. I've tended to find this in work situations as many of us introverts do. The super loud and confident but not all that bright boss I had a few years ago comes to mind. His view of me, that he voiced quite openly was that 'I have no personality.'
Now anyone who knows me personally that's reading this may be chuckling right now. My nearest and dearest know the person I am when I'm comfortable in my space; and I don't think they would describe me as 'without personality!' The thing is, this particular boss made me feel so uncomfortable that I completely shut down. He thought I had no personality because I never let him see it.
Now a lot of people would say stand up, let your personality shine, yaddee yada. Yeah that's great and everything but i'm in introvert, that's just not how I work hun. So how did I deal with this boss? Well in true introvert style really, I went and got myself a much better job elsewhere in a much nicer place with a much nicer boss. Now ok I didn't fight him on it but what for? The guy was an absolute womble and not worth the time.
Moral of the story is accept you will come across those who don't get it and will possibly criticise you. But remember, they don't get it because they are an absolute womble. You on the other hand are a stunningly impressive, beautiful introvert with a world of gifts to offer the world. So don't waste your time worrying over it. Walk away from the womble and go find yourself somewhere nicer to be.
Find the moments of peace and joy in a peopley world
In a world that often feels too peopley, us introverts have unique gifts to offer and a valuable perspective to share. So know that it's totally ok to step out of your comfort zone at your own pace and embrace the world in a way that feels right to you. You are a treasure, dear introvert, and the world is richer with your quiet strength and gentle spirit. Enjoy the journey of self-discovery and look for the moments of peace and joy in a peopley world.
And if that feels like a tad too much to contend with today, just say "I think I left the oven on" and hot-foot it home. ;)
