We all have those days where everything seems to be going wrong. The days when we feel overwhelmed, stressed, and just plain defeated. It's easy to get caught up in negative thoughts and emotions during these tough times, but even if it feels like it, you aren't alone. Everyone experiences difficult days at some point in their lives, and there are ways to navigate through them (sometimes even with some grace!)

The toughest of tough days

A tough day for you could be all manner of things and what makes the toughest of days is different for everyone. One of my toughest days happened a few months after my Dad passed away. It was my birthday weekend, the first without him and just before Father's day. Traditionally it was a weekend we used to spend together. It was just one of those days where everything felt like a struggle and just getting out of bed seemed like a mountain to climb.

Now i'm not suggesting I dealt with this all that gracefully, there were a fair few tears, a lot of chocolate consumed and not much positivity accomplished. But I did at least make it through the day in one piece and without upsetting anyone. So given my mindset that day, I took that as a win! So on these toughest of days, allow yourself to feel your emotions. It's ok to feel sad, frustrated, or angry. I can attest from personal experience that trying to suppress these feelings will only make things worse in the long run. So take some time to acknowledge your emotions.

Processing your emotions

Now google and the like will suggest you process these emotions in a 'healthy way'. Sure, that sounds delightful Mr Google! Not all that likely in my experience though! So I would suggest instead to try and process and manage those emotions in the 'least harmful way you can'. Let's keep the bar low here. This is one of those toughest of days after all.

So if your temptation is to dive into a bottle of vodka, how about a diet coke instead? (alright full fat coke). If you don't feel up to exercising, could you manage some stretches? If you don't feel like eating, a green smoothie and some carrot sticks probably don't sound all that appealing. Eating anything for a bit of strength is better than nothing.

If you want to scream, don't hold it in. Just try and find somewhere you can't be heard too loudly to avoid the neighbours getting concerned and calling the po-po. If you want to punch something, well pillows aren't just for sleeping on. If you need a good cry, have the cry and set some cold tea bags aside for those puffy eyes.

It's ok to not be ok sometimes and it's ok to crawl through a day when skipping through it just isn't going to happen. What matters is that you let yourself feel those emotions on the toughest of days so that the toughest of days don't become the norm. We all have them but we deserve for them to be the exception to our lives, not the rule.

Now we do all have a responsibility to others, even on our toughest days. So if you do wan't to drown your sorrows, hide your car keys. If your other half or your kids are driving you crazy, explain it to them. It's not a crime to be angry, just be clear it's not at them and take yourself off for a walk or a lie down.

Taking Action

Once you've allowed yourself to feel your emotions, it's time to take action. One of the best ways to get through a tough day is to focus on the things that you can control. Make a list of the things that are causing you stress or worry, and then identify the things that are within your power to change. By taking small steps to address these issues, you can regain a sense of control and agency in your life. If the only thing you feel you can control right now is that pile of dirty dishes by the sink, fine. Give them a wash (or at least a quick rinse!) Problem resolved, control taken and task completed. See, you do have some control :)

Self-Care

Self-care is an important aspect of getting through tough days. It's easy to neglect our own needs when we're feeling overwhelmed, but self-care is crucial for maintaining our mental and emotional well-being. So if you feel up to it, try to do activities that bring you calm and relaxation, like going for a walk, reading a book, or spending time with your trusted ones.

Now everyone will tell you to also prioritise your physical health, by eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly - and they are right. But that's easy to say when they don't understand how tough of a day you are having! So whilst it's great advice, don't beat yourself up if you struggle to follow it on the tough days. There's always tomorrow to start a fresh.

Support

In addition to self-care, it's important to reach out for support during tough times. Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can help you gain perspective on your situation and receive guidance and encouragement. Now I know from my own struggles in grief how hard this can be as many of us (especially us ladies) are practically programmed to avoid 'being a burden'. So if reaching out is hard for you, try sending a text if talking is a struggle. Try telling your pet, they are great listeners! Or at the very least try writing it all down to get it out of your system. Keep hold of it and see if you feel willing to share it with someone you trust so they will know how you are feeling.

Remember, you don't have to go through difficult days alone – there are people who care about you and want to help you through your struggles. Often our own concerns about 'being a burden' are the issue, rather than a lack of support.

So don't be afraid to reach out.

Perspective

Finding ways to stay positive and maintain a sense of perspective can also be helpful when facing tough days. It's easy to get caught up in negative thinking and catastrophizing, but this can only make things seem even worse than they actually are. Instead, try to focus on the things that you are grateful for, even in the midst of challenges. Practising gratitude can help shift your mindset and remind you of the good things in your life.

I'm a terrible one for ruminating. My husband calls me 'Stewie' sometimes because in his words - I stew over things for far too long and need to learn to let them go. He's right (but don't tell him) so to try and stop myself from going over and over what I could have done better or what terrifying (yet entirely fictional) problems may be waiting for me in tomorrow land, I have a whole box of 'anti-ruminating' tools, a bit like a mental toolkit. These tools include distraction tactics, affirmations, mind projects and activities. You can find these throughout the Feathered Paths blog posts or subscribe for a free well-being plan that contains lots of ideas that can be used in your own mental toolkit.

There will be brighter days ahead

Finally, and I know this hurts to hear, but tough days are a natural part of life, and they can sometimes offer opportunities for growth and resilience. Each one you face is an opportunity to learn so that you can emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before. So try not to be too discouraged by the difficult days – see them as opportunities for personal growth and transformation and don't forget what an absolute woman warrior you are.

Getting through the tough days in life requires a combination of self-care, support and remembering that we all have these rough days. Most importantly though on these particular days, it's completely ok to not be your best you and not bother to shave your legs or count your calories today. You are stronger than you think, and you have the power to overcome any obstacle that comes your way. Stay strong, stay positive, and remember there will be brighter days ahead.